I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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