This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
