My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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