onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
