I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
