Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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