This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
