You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
