Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
