you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
