Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
