i love accidental penises.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
