Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
