you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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