I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
