she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
