I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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