peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
