Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Found the puke drawer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
