Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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