we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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