What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
