From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
