i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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