Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
