Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
