My liver just broke up with me...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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