At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everclear isn't food dammit
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
