u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
