you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
