If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
