It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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