I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
