What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
