got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
