There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
