Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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