We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
