you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
