Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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