I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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