I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
