Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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