why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
