don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have aggressive nipples.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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