I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
