shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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