do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
