he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
