return my video game
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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