Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
