Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
