sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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