just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
