Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
