Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm passing your future prison.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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