I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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