It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
